Homicide Hunters: Lt Joe Kenda Week 4: Murder at the Dog Park

November 22nd, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

Holy cow, this episode has everything! Revenge, murder, simulated male endowment, homosexual liaisons, undercover sex stings, clueless wife who is letting Jesus control her marriage….

This sad tale might as well have taken place in my backyard- Palmer Park. It’s the dog park where we take Indy and Cooper every weekend. The dogs freak out on Saturday morning knowing that they’ll get to go to the park- they love it more than pig ears. I’m proud to say that I’m almost the mayor of Palmer Park on Foursquare.  Here’s a picture of us at the park in happier times.

The quote from the narrator sums it up quite nicely. ‘Dead bodies in Palmer Park don’t sit well with the public.’ No, sir, they do not.  Ironically it was the narrator with some of the best quotes this episode

Dr. Leon Kelly- always sticking to the facts tells us that the victim, Robert Walton, suffered a prolonged attack, probably with a rock, and that his death was exceptionally painful.

Robert Walton was married, a deacon at his church, and counseled married couples as part of his church duties.  He volunteered, loved people, and worked part time at a flower shop. He told people he was going to the park that day to pick greenery for the church holiday display. (For the record, this is the reason why really really good people really really creep me out.  There is always more to the story.)

Kenda has a few suspects and on a hunch asks one ‘what your sexual preference is’.  The narrator added that Palmer Park is a known hang out area for gay cruising. Whaaaaa….

Gay cruising sites are exceptionally creepy places. Just ask my husband Shane. In college, he accidentally went bike riding in a park by the Wabash River that happened to be a gay cruising spot. He pulled up, oblivious to the handful of old creepers in junky cars all scanning the entrance for new ‘encounters’.  Shane was a prime target, who was young, good looking, and driving a sports car.  He pulled his bike out of his Mustang and went off down the wooded trail toward the river.

One car followed him, really aggressively. And when Shane stopped to turn around, well, let’s just say that ‘shit got real’ and he rode faster than Lance Armstrong on steroids back to his car.  (Shane still won’t talk about all of the details)

Back to the story at hand, there’s breaking news from the coroners office during the autopsy.  Apparently Robert was found with a rolled up wash cloth is his crotch which Kenda calls ‘a common technique in the homosexual world to simulate male endowment.’  Yep, cruising for sure.

But can we talk about that for a second?  How terrifying is something the size of a rolled up washcloth.  I certainly don’t want to get into details on a good family blog like All Things Kelly, but c’mon, no one wants to see something like that.

The wife- although she once found gay porn magazines in his possession, and although he had been spending many unexplained hours away from home, refused to believe he was gay and told the investigators that he had issues with incontinence.  Yep, that’s why he had a towel in his pants.

Apparently, a former coworker at the flower shop killed Robert after an encounter gone sour.  The murderer had once been married to a woman, a fact he brought up to Kenda and crew a few times.  He may be a murderer, but don’t worry America, he’s not gay.

The irony here is that if gays stopped being persecuted- being forced to live in shame, this murder MIGHT not have happened. (OK, it might have happened, but hear me out).

If gays were allowed to marry who they wanted, these guys wouldn’t have led their poor wives into a life of anguish. If able to live his life openly, Robert wouldn’t have gone to shady cruising sites to find companionship.  Perhaps an attacker wouldn’t have killed in some sort of self-loathing emotional rage over being gay?

I just see this life that could have been where Robert is a deacon at some Unitarian church, found a nice partner one Sunday mass, and they build a flower shop empire together.   No one is conflicted, living in the closet, married to people they don’t love, and oh, murdered.

Yes, the moral of the story is that if gays could marry, there would be no murder.  Think about that.  Thanks Joe Kenda!

@KristinMiller, Senior Television Correspondent for ATK


Categories: Guest Blogger, TV review Tags:
  1. Kathy
    September 7th, 2013 at 10:41 | #1

    This is brilliant! Nice job, Kristin!

  2. margaux
    September 9th, 2013 at 18:49 | #2

    so sad, but soo true. nice writing:)!

    maybe if priests could start being allowed to get married too, they would stop raping all of the alter boys or other children too. sickos- sorry, just stickin to the whole marriage topic.

  3. Stacy Downing
    September 25th, 2013 at 01:10 | #3

    Great read… enjoyed the short story about your hubby’s encounter! Funny!

  4. Babyellie
    November 23rd, 2016 at 16:09 | #4

    Love this blog, pretty funny especially about your husband’s horrible experience lol.

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